How the pressure to conform negatively impacts society

In my work, I frequently talk about what I consider to be the top 4 conditioning culprits that affect us as high achievers. One of those culprits is Conformity.

Chess rooks sitting on reflective surface, one of which is a different color.

On some level, we all get that conformity is not necessarily a good thing, but that doesn’t make it easy to go against the grain and behave differently than everyone else. This is especially true in professional settings, where we may be even more prone to fitting into a given mold than we are in our personal lives.

The challenge is that we can have a hard time discerning between where we feel pressure to conform vs. where we are encouraged to embrace “culture” or “community.”

What do I mean by that?

Take an organization, for example. Maybe it has a certain reputation for being a tough environment, but also for employing sharp people who work hard to achieve the vision of the company. Perhaps it’s a place where hard work and long hours are encouraged in service to “the mission,” and that the potential outcomes are seen as adequate justification to expect your personal sacrifice to make that mission come to life.

Within the company, it’s seen as a badge of honor to be the person who grinds it out to get the hard things done even when it means you may be giving up a lot personally to make that happen. You’re told repeatedly that there’s no better place to work because the mission is important, the people are super smart, and the culture is top tier. You take on projects before your other projects are complete because that’s what ambitious people do and you’re not going to risk being seen as someone who can’t hack it.

You’re told that if you leave, you’ll realize you made a mistake and want to come back.

On the surface, it sounds like I’m describing company culture. While that’s true, I’m simultaneously describing the expectation that one conforms to the standard that’s being set to in order to be seen as one who is worthy of belonging there; as one who can be successful there.

Clearly, what I’ve described is not sustainable without a high level of anxiety and eventual burnout. And yet, it can also be applied to a multitude of corporate environments, regardless of industry. This is the mold. If you want success, do all the things.

Reap the material rewards and keep your mouth shut.

To take it a step further, consider the mold of leadership in these cultures. What’s it like? Chances are, there’s a very specific expectation that’s been set, and chances are even better that the expectation looks a lot like whoever is leading the company at the very top.

That is a HUGE problem if the leader sitting in that position has arrived there due to their willingness to conform to expectations.  

Worse yet, maybe he/she is the worst brand of leader that is all too common – ego-centric (even narcissistic) with enough charisma to get people to follow, but without sufficient self-awareness to effectively role model good leadership. A leader who demands loyalty over honesty. One who will tell you what he/she wants to hear rather than one who is genuinely curious about what you think.

Then you end up with a leadership mold that’s propagated throughout the company, no matter how toxic it might be. If you want to lead, you have to fall in line.

From everything I’ve described to this point, it shouldn’t be much of a stretch to see how this is impacting us at the societal level.

We’ve been poisoned by achievement culture. Material wealth, name recognition, and “influence” are worshiped, even when the person in question is a greedy, out of integrity asshole who’s in it only for himself with no concern for the well-being of others. This is especially despicable in the ultra-wealthy, who could use their power for good but instead use it to accumulate more wealth at the expense of the majority.

Those who bend the knee because they are obsessed with money rather than standing up for what’s right because money gives them even more power to do so.

What I need you to remember is that YOU have power, too. As an individual, you have the power to decide what you’re willing to compromise on and what is non-negotiable.

I know you’re about to catastrophize and go down the rabbit hole of worst-case scenarios, so hit the pause button. You don’t have to do anything drastic. You can exercise your power in small ways that are still meaningful and that over time, build your capacity for taking larger action as you become acclimated to using the power of choice rather than doing what’s expected.

Don’t like a company policy? Speak up. If it makes you feel better, find others who feel the same way and combine your collective power to say something.

Don’t like a policy taking shape at the societal level? Find the email or number of your representative and call them. Don’t capitulate in advance and decide there’s no point.

How do you think things get done? You’ve seen unions strike for their rights. They pool their individual power to create collective power. They don’t put their tails between their legs and give up before they’ve started.

The people who wield power know we can come together to create change. If you’re overworked and exhausted by grinding it out professionally, they know you won’t have the energy for anything else.

They’ll continue to profit in a multitude of ways while the rest of us stagnate in the systems that have been set up to keep us chasing the carrot into infinity and beyond.

They want you to conform so that you’re easier to control. Death of critical thought is the end game. Refuse to let that part of your brain shut down. Become conscious and regularly ask yourself:

·       Does this feel like conformity or does this feel like community? 

·       Does this feel aligned or misaligned?

·       Who's benefiting from this? Me, “us,” or someone else?

Once you have the answers, act in ways that are aligned to you personally, not with external expectations.

Exercise your personal power at the micro level of your life. Imagine what the world could be like if we refused to fall in line with those who profit from our complacency.